Extracts from the Cynic’s Wordbook – Part IV – the letter C

Today is the day of the letter C. ’nuff said. Or maybe, ’nuff seen. Whatever that means. We’ve read through P, M and K. Read on.

  1. Cabbage – noun A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man’s head.
  2. Calamity – noun A more than commonly plain and unmistakable reminder that the affairs of this life are not of our own ordering. Calamities are of two types: misfortune to ourselves and good fortune to others.
  3. Capital – noun The seat of misgovernment. That which provides the fire, the pot, the dinner, the table and the knife and fork for the anarchist.
  4. Censor – noun An officer of certain governments, employed to suppress the works of genius.
  5. Chemise – noun Don’t know what it means.
  6. Church – noun A place where the parson worships God and women worship the parson.
  7. Club – noun An association of men for purposes of drunkenness, gluttony, unholy hilarity, murder, sacrilege and the slandering of mothers, wives and sisters. For this definition I am indebted to several estimable ladies who have the best means of information, their husbands being members of several clubs.
  8. Comet – noun An excuse for being out late at night and going home drunk in the morning.
  9. Commerce – noun A kind of transaction in which A plunders from B the goods of C, and for compensation B picks the pocket of D of the money belonging to E.
  10. Confidant, confidante – noun One entrusted by A with the secrets of B,confided to him by C.